Jonathan.

Okay yeah, this is quite a change from my last post. I swore off all men and then one slightly unusual night while standing on my soapbox, I caved. I caved and created an online dating site, went on a slight tirade, and started dating again. I decided I was going to find exactly what I was looking for and not settle for anything less.

That’s when I met Jonathan. He is more my age (no more Anna Nicole’s for me), kind, and pretty funny too. He and I had one interesting obstacle at first that surprisingly had nothing to do with us but, everyone else. He being blind. I had absolutely no issue with this. Well, I did kind of walk him into a tree on our 3rd date. SO not my fault, but when you mix clumsy and slightly awkward with blind, you will have some interesting results.

Anyway, back to the point. I have absolutely no issues with him being blind. However, those around me did. I had received all kinds of responses from those who found out. My mother asked me why I felt so ugly that I had to date a blind man. Yes mother, this is the basis of our relationship *eye roll*. I had also been asked why and was even called a fool for dating him. The worst opinion was that I should find someone who doesn’t require so much medical care and that could take good care of me financially. My response: Fuck You.

Okay, let’s get something straight here. I am perfectly fine with who I am. A man has not and will not ever define who I am or who I want to be. I also do not care about his sight or lack there of. I care about him. Love is not determined by one’s wealth, health, or circumstance. It is about being with the person you want to be with. Period. Everyone else can suck it.

I know there are numerous people out there who are listening to the same thing. My advice: do what makes YOU happy. Don’t listen to the negativity. Now if the person is a serial killer or psychopath, you may have a problem. Unless you yourself are a serial killer or psychopath, in which I recommend putting a ring on it now because crossing paths with someone that has that kind of similar interests is one in a million.

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The breakup.

I just ended things with my on and off again boyfriend of 3 years (yeah boo hoo me). I know there are many people who have it worse than me.
My point of this post is that I am seriously debating on just remaining single until I am absolutely sure without a doubt that I have found my other half. I don’t see the point of online dating or speed dating or heaven forbid, blind dating.
I am leaving this entirely up to fate. You may think this sounds cheesy or stupid,  but I’m just tired of wasting my time.
I also don’t want my baby sister (who lives with me) to get the wrong impression on what a healthy relationship should be.
So, to put things short, I am officially not dating anyone until I know they are 100% right for me.
Quick note: I am not man bashing or trying to be the world’s greatest bitch. I just think this is the best decision I can make for me and my sister.

Why I dislike the holidays.

There are a lot of people who dislike the holidays and they have all sorts of different reasons for not liking them. Some people see them as superficial, some think that the true greed of humanity comes out, or any other number of reasons. My reason usually seems petty until those around me actually understand the reasons why. My mother.

My mother is not like most mothers. I like to think of most mothers as kind, caring, and supportive of their children. They raise their children and nurture them. My mother left my father and I when I was two to indulge herself in an addiction to meth. She was in and out of my life for the better part of 28 years. i would see her on occasion at holiday dinners and extremely short (sometimes five minutes) visits. I was unaware of her drug problem until i was 12 years old when she called me on Mother’s Day (kind of backwards huh?) to let me know she was entering a rehab facility.

At the beginning of this year I received a very similar phone call. The only difference is that she was also asking for me to come pick up my youngest sister. This I had absolutely no problem with. I had wanted to take my sister in since the day she was born, but I was unable to support the two of us financially. I drove to pick her up and I asked my mother if my sister knew what was going on. My mother had decided not to tell her she was entering in a six month rehab facility (great, this poor girl is going to think our mother is abandoning her and blame herself).

My sister has been in my care ever since. I would not change my decision to take her in for all the money in the world. We had some adjusting to get used to, but we are now functioning very well.

At about 8am Thursday morning I woke up to a less than pleasant text message from my mother. She was completely irate and  wanting to know who is watching my sister while I work the night shift (my shift is 8am to 5pm). Then she was threatening to come get my sister (not going to happen). The end of the text was YOU NEED TO CALL ME RIGHT NOW.

I honestly should have grabbed my Xanax bottle at that exact moment, but silly me, I called my mother instead. Apparently she had read a comment on Facebook and had twisted it in some form or fashion to think i was working nights. I Immediately started shaking. If there is one thing that can automatically send me spiraling into an anxiety attack, it would be one of my mother’s meltdowns. This is not the first occasion. this happens almost every single holiday. On Mother’s Day she had a meltdown in the middle of a restaurant accusing me of changing her Facebook password and then rigging the site where she could not update her own password. I still have not been able to show my face inside that restaurant.

Why don’t i just block her from my Facebook account you ask? I have no idea. I probably should have. I did however add her to the restricted list after Thanksgiving so that all she can see are my public posts.

This is why I dislike the holidays. My psychotic mother.

I am sure there are a lot of people who have far bigger problems than I do. I am sure there are people who would love a family to spend Thanksgiving with. If you are one of those people who need a family to spend the holidays with, please comment below and I will give you my mother’s address. You can go in my place. 😉

Possible side effects: drowsiness, headaches, dizziness, laser vision, and possible tail growth.

One thing I have always had a problem with are side effects on prescription bottles. Particularly MY prescription bottles. For anyone with anxiety, I am sure you have had thoughts about this before. I tend to be sensitive to any new medication my doctor gives me, so I like to get the heads up before taking them. I only made the mistake of not looking at that fabulous pamphlet of doom once. That was actually a rather interesting day. Turns out the medication my doctor had prescribed me for anxiety attacks actually has anxiety listed as a major side effect. Needless to say, I found a new primary physician after that.

Just so I can get a word in…

I created this blog so I can voice my thoughts and everything else that I am unable to say. We have all had those moments where we want to say things but are unable to. Either you are afraid of offending someone, it doesn’t seem appropriate, or you simply just can not get a word in because the other person will not shut the f* up. Well, I have a lot of these moments.